Self-connection, self-awareness, embodiment, mindfulness, and conscientiousness are all petals on the same flower. I love Kristine Klussman’s definition of self-connection “A state of being. . . one in which you regularly tune in to your own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, and honor them in your daily actions. You listen to your intuition. You fully inhabit your physical body.” This definition is important because it reminds us that we’re multifaceted and we need to attend to all the parts of ourselves in order to connect. It’s not enough to think about ourselves. We need to physically care for ourselves too! This makes me think of attachment theory. Babies cry, adults tend to them, they learn that the world is safe. Babies stop crying if their needs aren’t met. They learn that no one is coming for them. What do our bodies learn when we don’t listen and meet their needs?
Disconnection happens when we’re not connected. This can manifest itself in so many ways. There are a few patterns I’ve noticed throughout my life and especially in working with clients as a clinical herbalist. One is stagnation. This comes up in the body and the mind. It looks like difficulty changing patterns, repeating unhealthy habits day in and day out even when there’s an awareness that change is needed. In the mind it looks like brain fog, like the mind is a swamp and it’s hard to wade through to figure out how we feel or hard to concentrate on anything meaningful. You might sleep a lot but not feel rested, have trouble trying new things, or eat the same meals over and over. I think it’s important to note something my teacher, Sam Perry, taught me which is that slow and stagnant are not the same. It’s okay to slow down and do less. That’s not the same as this pattern of being stagnant. What we’re aiming for is balance. In fact, balancing. Because we are verbs, life is verbs. The universe is made of stories. We’re not searching for a single idea of balance because to be “balanced” would be to be frozen. We will have constant shifts throughout life and that’s normal. We strive to be ever shifting and balancing, in tune with the world around us. There are times to go inward and times to go outward.
Aromatics are a category of herbs that are moving and can really help when you’re feeling stuck and stagnant. Many culinary spices are in this category. Cooking with good quality thyme, mint, fennel, rosemary, oregano, etc. is an easy and accessible way to incorporate these herbs. Add lots of spice to marinades, sauces, stir frys, pasta dishes. Aromatic herb waters are tasty and another easy way to include these in your life. You can grow mint or buy fresh mint at the grocery store. Take a big handful and put it in a jar or pitcher, then cover with water and pop in the fridge. The aromatic compounds will be pulled into the water, that’s what makes it tasty.
One aromatic herb I find particularly helpful for self-connection when someone is experiencing stagnation is damiana (Turnera diffusa). This plant is aromatic, uplifting, and grounding. It helps you reawaken the joy of being in your body after a long disconnection. Words that come to mind with this plant are: gleeful, singing, dancing, poetry, creativity, laughter, light, and movement. “It feels like it washed away the cobwebs on my bones and joints and I wanted to move again.” There’s something so sweet and exciting about damiana. It helps you remember the feeling of laughing outside on a sunny day as a kid, doing cartwheels on the lawn. Many consider damiana an aphrodisiac. This can be true in situations where the lack of interest is caused tension, depression, disconnection. However, I don’t see it as an inherently sexual plant – it has such a light childlike energy! Damiana is indicated when someone is feeling depressed and stagnant and in situations where someone used to enjoy creative endeavors, but they don’t anymore, and they want to. It makes an excellent tea or tincture.

Self-connection is a human right and a primal way of existing. It’s a fluctuating and ever shifting experience. There is no one right way to be. To do this self-work is radical and herbs can be supportive throughout the process. This discussion is scratching the surface when it comes to self-connectedness. If it feels overwhelming to do alone, working with a clinical herbalist is a great choice.
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